I must learn
the calligraphy
of egret stance,
poised on a word
that lies beneath
the weaving current,
steady, still.
Nancy Compton Williams
Christianity and Literature
There's something about living near the ocean that makes life more peaceful and healing than before. I've walked on the shore of an island and shared the ground with wild ponies. I've seen dolphins playing in the waves, and I've seen sea birds graze the ocean water with poise and grace and confidence.
I must learn the calligraphy of egret stance....steady, still.
I've spent the last 8 years of my life looking for steady ground, looking to still my busy life enough to find out what this life is really all about. In my time in North Carolina and especially my time here on the Crystal Coast, I feel more grounded in my nontraditional beliefs than ever before. My journey has taken me from fundamental, conservative Christian beliefs through questioning even the existence of God to now, where nothing seems very fundamental, but everything seems very real.
I spent a weekend in Washington, D.C. with two of my very good friends from my childhood. I went to a church with them where one is serving as a pastoral intern. This Baptist church is nothing like I've experienced before, and it was refreshing. I shared the worship experience with members of the GLBT community, with members of various backgrounds and races, and with female pastors and leaders. We explored the Sermon on the Mount, a sermon most captivating and inclusive of Jesus' general teachings.
Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it. Matthew 7:13-14
It strikes me odd that Jesus calls us to the difficult, narrow gate. It has been my experience that the Christianity I've been brought into has been easy, not difficult. That the choice to "follow Jesus and accept Him into my heart" was simple. That all I had to do was say a quick prayer, and my life would be changed for eternity. I spent years of my life compelling people to "get saved" thinking quantity rather than quality was the way of Jesus. Get us all to Heaven, then sort it out there...let God handle it.
I also spent years of my life reading the stories of martyrs and peacemakers thinking that "the hard places" were where real Christians went, and that I had to be the best Christian...just like I had to be the best at everything else. That my job was to save everyone I knew, and everyone I didn't know. Little by little, the shallowness of this mentality showed itself to me. It couldn't be just about Heaven. It can't be just about a simple prayer. Jesus showed us not how to get to Heaven, but how to live...right here on earth.
Who of us who claim Christianity have really found this narrow gate? Who of us have really found the truth that Jesus has to offer?
I think very few....just as Jesus says, "there are few who find it."
As this world gets smaller and as we all become closer connected, I find that there are so many from my past who have stopped looking. Who have accepted Christianity for what they've been told, who are comfortable with the Christian life they've been given. That is fine for them, but I can't help but think that this road of comfort, stability, and close-mindedness isn't what Christ was talking about.
Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves...verse 15
I don't want to be the Christian who speaks peace and love, but becomes defensive and angry any time I feel threatened by the beliefs of another. How fearful Christians have become of women...of homosexuals...of color, even still! How fearful we are to consider God to be bigger than the box we have put Her/Him/It in! (See? That made you cringe, didn't it?)
My biggest struggle over the last year has been whether or not my choices have lined up with God's plan for me; whether or not I have strayed from God's guidance. I realized recently that the choices I have made have not necessarily deviated from God's plan, but they've deviated from the church's plan. I am not keeping with the rules and formulas that Christian society has deemed appropriate, and I am no longer bound by those rules and formulas.
I am bound by the love of God which compels me to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly.
My God does not expect me to follow every rule; my God expects me to love as (s)he does.
